Memories
by siriuslegolasmad
Summary: Sirius mourns the loss of his brother...I'm not very good at writing summarys so just take a look and tell me what you think. :


Sirius sighed, the words not quite penetrating his subconscious. His hands shook as he studied them, the nails looking rough and bitten down, looking so as he had spent the last five minutes chewing on them. After a few moments, he glanced up towards the person telling him the news which had nearly broken him. His eyes flickered around the room, lighting upon the concerned faces of his friends.

He climbed to his feet, mumbling about needing some time to himself, trying to keep up his façade as he left the room, climbing slowly up the stairs to his room. He collapsed onto his bed, grief eventually consuming him as tears burned hot and fast down his cheeks. His brother, whom he thought he had hated, was dead. Now he realised, that one small part of him could never hate his brother. Regulus was the only part of his family he felt he had ever had a connection with.

LKLKFlashbackLKLK

"_Reg! Where are you?" A snort of laughter from one of the roomier cupboards announced his younger brother's whereabouts. Sirius pulled open the door, his grin widening as he saw Regulus crouched down in the corner. He climbed haughtily to his feet, even at ten able to pull it off._

"_You came in here about three times. I can't believe you didn't see me." Sirius, already a burly eleven year old, shrugged affecting nonchalance. He opened his mouth to answer his brother but a resounding shriek from their Mother echoed around the house. _

"_SIRIUS BLACK! GET UP HERE NOW YOU PUTRIESCENT PIECE OF SCUM!" Sirius flinched before rolling his eyes at the ceiling and sighing heavily._

"_Better go and see what the dragon wants." Regulus nodded, biting his lip slightly as he followed his brother up the stairs. The two brothers, so alike in appearance, both entered the room, Regulus following closely behind his older brother. _

_Regulus hid his face as his Mother's blazing gaze turned to look at them both. Her gaze softened as it fell upon Regulus. Then they snapped to Sirius, narrowing dangerously. She gestured to a broken ornament._

"_Boy, when did this happen?" Sirius cast a perfunctory glance towards the shattered glass before shrugging and beginning to turn away. His Mother's wand was out before he could do anything, performing a binding charm so he couldn't move for all the struggling he did. She advanced slowly, her wand held up, pointing to his heart. _

"_That was given to your Father by a very important ministry official. You know how angry he's going to be when he gets home. You had bet…" Sirius cut her off, his own eyes blazing dangerously as he growled,_

"_I didn't do it." His Mother raised her hand and slapped him across the face, the stinging blow causing Regulus to wince as a bright red mark appeared on Sirius' cheek in the shape of a hand. He made his decision quickly as he heard his Father entering the room from the opposite set of doors, his eyes springing straight to where Sirius stood resolutely._

"_What's the brat done now?" His Mother motioned to the broken glass. His Father became still before turning slowly to where Sirius was stood, reaching a hand down slowly to unbuckle his belt. For the first time, Regulus saw a flicker of fear within his older brother's eyes. He took a deep breath,_

"_It wasn't him." His Mother and Father froze, both turning to look at Regulus at the same instant. His Father rolled his eyes._

"_Was it that dratted house elf?" Regulus shook his head again, tears filling his eyes as he stammered,_

"_It wasn't either of them. It w…was m…me." Their eyes registered shocked surprise, glancing between the two brothers before releasing Sirius from the spell. Sirius' gaze relayed a message of thanks as their Father advanced menacingly on his younger brother, who cowered away from him, his eyes widening in fear. _

LKLKPresentLKLK

The tears began to fall even more heavily as Sirius began to remember the memory of his brother's sacrifice for him. The beating which Regulus took was nothing like that of which their Father would have given him, but it had still left him black and blue, deep red welts across his back, which he knew would have been bare. More memories rushed to him, swamping him in thoughts he had never allowed himself to think before.

LKLKFlashbackLKLK

"_Sirius, you have to sort that little brother of yours out. His heads getting to big for its own good." Sirius smirked and grinned at James._

"_Let him be. He's bound to be like that. He's my brother." James shrugged and gave his friend a sidelong glance._

"_I take it you haven't heard the rumours then that he's started?" Remus glanced up sharply, his eyes narrowing at James' stupidity. Sirius immediately became interested. _

"_No…what rumours?" James shrugged, swallowing audibly and rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably, looking as though he was wishing he had never said anything now. _

_Sirius' eyes narrowed as he repeated more firmly, when James didn't answer._

"_What rumours? Tell me James." James nodded, glancing swiftly at Remus for help who had even put his book aside for a second. Remus began talking, pushing his book into his bag as he did so._

"_He's telling everyone that it was him who…" He fell silent as Sirius' eyes narrowed._

"_Him who what?" Remus scratched his head, looking at Sirius as he did so. James blundered on._

"_You know how we drew in the quidditch game last Saturday?" Sirius nodded, his fists unclenching and clenching. James carried on. "He's saying that he only let you win because you'd threatened to…do something to him…beat him up…" Sirius' mouth dropped open in surprise. He quickly recovered and climbed to his feet, moving swiftly to the portrait hole. _

_He walked quickly, searching the normal haunts of his little brother, eventually finding him sat alone reading a book under a tree. He glanced up at Sirius' approaching footsteps, a cool smile breaking out across his features. Sirius reached out and pulled him up, no smile upon his face as he snarled,_

"_Why are you spreading that rumour round, you little cheat? If Hooch hears that, our game will be forfeited. She'll make us rematch and you know we won that fair and square." Regulus smiled nastily and shrugged before replying, in an infuriatingly smug voice,_

"_You have to learn to play like the other team Sirius…that's what we did with you…" At that Sirius dropped him unceremoniously to the floor and snorted with disgust, intent on keeping his temper. _

"_Well pull those tricks on a different team then, because under no circumstances have we cheated and damn you well know it, you cheating little git!" Sirius turned and stalked away, leaving his brother smirking to himself. _

LKLKPresentLKLK

Sirius knew it had been then they had begun to change. Regulus becoming more and more conniving and sneaky, using any way to get what he wanted. He, himself, had become more likely to lose his temper if you pushed him hard enough. He had been in many fights that year because of his infuriating inability to keep his temper in check. The changes had pushed them apart. Where Regulus had once taken a punishment for him, he would sooner get him into trouble after this year. Changes in people caused the worst of the fights. Sirius knew that as his mind carried him to the next unbidden memory.

LKLKFlashbackLKLK

"_I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…" Sirius heard the whimpering voice behind his brother's door and paused to listen. Biting his lip, he fought with the urge to go in or not. A yelp of pain caused him to push the door open, his eyes searching the darkness for the source of his brother's discomfort. He saw the dark shape of his brother tossing and turning violently in his sleep. He frowned and moved forwards to touch him on the shoulder. Regulus jumped violently awake, his eyes wide as he searched the room. Sirius sat down on his brother's bed, frowning._

"_What was it?" Regulus avoided his gaze as he mumbled,_

"_Nothing." He glanced up, eventually meeting his brother's gaze, and snarling at him, "What are you doing back? You left!" Sirius recoiled from the rage of his sixteen year old brother, surprised at the ferocity of his tone. _

"_Hey Reg…I thought you'd be glad to see me? You didn't want me to go…"_

_Regulus' gaze turned cool as he spoke, his voice as icy as his gaze._

"_You thought wrong. Get out…" Sirius climbed to his feet, biting back the frustration and hurt within himself before turning on his heel and moving swiftly to the door. Reggie's voice echoed softly around the room, so quiet Sirius wasn't sure if he heard him or not._

"_Bye Sirius." Sirius paused and turned to look once over his shoulder, but his brother stood gazing at him icily again. He shrugged. _

"_Have it your way Reg." _

LKLKPresentLKLK

Sirius closed his eyes, not wanting to reach the memory which he knew had to come next. The event which had driven an even deeper wedge between him and his brother. The time he found out what his brother really was…

LKLKFlashbackLKLK

"_What the fuck do you think you're playing at Reg?" The sound of jeering around Sirius began to grate on him. Reg carried on pointing his wand at Sirius' chest, all of Regulus' friend's surrounding him. _

"_Blood Traitor!" _

_A jeering voice to the left of Regulus caused him to grin and give a high pitched laugh which didn't sound like him. Sirius' eyes darted to the person, beginning to feel a little apprehensive. _

"_Go on Reg. Do it." _

_Sirius' gaze fell on the speaker. It was a boy in Sirius' year; his eyes alight with a fervent desire to see Sirius' younger brother fall to his own level. Sirius' gaze searched out Regulus', gazing at him beseechingly to stop. The same voice broke the silence again._

"_Go on Reg…make him beg! Think how the Dark Lord would praise you. So young and yet having mastered the curses…practiced them on your own blood traitor of a brother…" _

_Sirius felt resignation as Regulus' eyes became blank and unfeeling…dead. _

"_**Crucio!**__" Unbelievable pain tore through Sirius' body. A hoarse cry rent the air, sending shivers of anticipation down Regulus' spine. Jeers and spiteful laughter could be heard around him but as though coming through a badly tuned radio. _

_One clear sound eventually pierced the veil of badly tuned sound around him. A cry so full of pain he blinked twice and then registered who it was. He gazed open mouthed as he saw his brother twisting and writhing on the ground, his blank mind wondering who was doing it. He suddenly realised his own hand was pointing his wand at his brother and wrenched it up, realising he had been the cause of it. _

_The others began to slink away, smirking as they realised their fun had been had. Regulus moved slowly towards his brother, kneeling jerkily as he realised that he wasn't moving. He turned him over slowly, biting his lip and steeling himself for the face of his brother, which he knew would be bruised from the after effects of the torture curse. Sirius' eyes slowly flickered open, his head supported upon someone's knee. He groaned and began to sit up slowly, a hand supporting him until he was on his feet, his knees shaking uncontrollably as he fought the urge to sink to the floor again. He turned to thank his helper, but the words froze on his lips as he saw Regulus. _

"_Sirius…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" The words jarred within Sirius' subconscious. The whimpered words of his brother's dream…_

"_You've done this to someone before haven't you?" His voice came out shockingly hoarse. Regulus avoided his gaze without answering. Sirius managed to step forward and catch hold of his shoulders, gripping them tightly, looking down into his brother's eyes, willing him to tell him the truth. _

"_Yes…" _

_Sirius flung him away from him, the words stinging him more than any curse could have done. He looked at his brother like a stranger, realising that he did no longer know him. Regulus hurried on to explain himself._

"_They put the imperius on me. I don't have a choi…" Sirius snorted loudly, disdain and incredulity clear on his face. _

"_Of course Regulus." The sarcasm oozed from his voice. Regulus looked at him, his mouth open in a slight 'O' of surprise as his brother tossed the explanation back at him. He had been sure that Sirius of all people would have believed him, stuck up for him. A tension filled silence sprung up around them before Sirius continued. _

"_I saw your face before you did it. You enjoyed it. You were smiling. You didn't feel. I don't want a brother who's on HIS side…I don't have a brother now. That's another thing to add to the list that I don't have. No Mother…No Father and now no brother…what next? Goodbye Regulus. Don't expect sympathy from me when it comes to our side -the right side may I add- beating yours." He turned away and without a backwards glance left his brother standing staring after him, the same 'O' of surprise still plastered across his features. _

LKLKPresentLKLK

Sirius sat up, a sudden realisation dawning on him. He hadn't noticed Remus moving into the room and sitting on the bed beside him, a hand gripping his shoulder and squeezing it occasionally to try and comfort him. His lips formed the words, but no sound came out. Remus leant forward to him to better hear him.

"Sorry Padfoot, didn't quite catch that." Sirius looked up at him, pain evident in his eyes as the realisation began to eat away at him, guilt nearly swallowing him whole. Sirius cleared his throat and with three words, made the guilt complete, his whole world crashing down around him…

"He didn't lie…" Remus' face creased with a puzzled frown.

"What do you mean he didn't lie? Who didn't lie?" Sirius swallowed, trying to block the new tears which threatened him.

"Regulus…he really was under the imperius curse…I said he looked happy…he didn't…he was blank…emotionless…like he wasn't really thinking." Remus' eyes widened slightly before he offered words of comfort to his friend.

"How were you supposed to know? You were being…well…tortured." Sirius stared into Remus' eyes, pain sending the chocolate brown of his eyes into swirls of tortured clouds. Remus opened his mouth but didn't know quite what to say.

LKLK17 years laterLKLK

Sirius entered the house with a look like a caged animal, careful of where to tread. The creak of the floorboards caused him to pause, caused him to glance around as though his Mother would come charging down the stairs as she did when he used to sneak out when he was a teenager and began yelling at him, shouting for his Father to beat him. He padded up the stairs, his eyes unwillingly looking at the many portraits on the walls, heading for his old room, wanting to see if it was as he left it. He moved up to the eighth floor, moving towards it.

A door next to his caught his eye. A small plaque was on it standing out in the scratched paintwork. He pulled his wand out his pocket, and muttered,

"Lumos." He knew what it was he would see. A neat, hand written sign came into sharp relief. He recognised his brother's curly handwriting, smiling slightly as he read,

_Do not enter _

_Without the Express Permission of_

_Regulus Arcturus Black _

Sirius pushed on the door, but wasn't surprised that it didn't open. He held his wand up again and heard the door click open after muttering the "_Alohomora_" spell.

The room was dusty, not as it would have been in Regulus' day and age. He smiled bitterly as he thought of his brother's strange habits within his room. He had to have the books on the bookshelf in just the right order, alphabetically of course. He remembered asking Regulus why he had too one time and laughing at him as he became defensive and mumbled something about being able to find them a lot more easily. He moved across to the bookcase and saw a picture; a shock ran through him as he saw his brother's grinning, yet haughty face.

Suddenly, tears were tightening his throat; all the grief he had been hiding within himself after that first night when he had found out it had happened came pouring out.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean it…" He smiled bitterly at the irony of his words. They had been said once before, by the other brother to him. He had even heard them in this room... He reached up for the picture; his hand closing on the edge of the photograph and pulled it off the wall, his brother not having needed to worry about his parent's redecorating his room. He smiled down at the figure in the picture, which would forever wave happily out at him, not knowing his fate.

"I'm sorry Reggie…" A shifting in the room, and a soft sigh caused the knot of guilt to loosen slightly, a breath of a voice which had been long gone from the room, whispering from the corners.

"You're forgiven…" Sirius smiled, not knowing or caring how the voice had spoken, but knowing that he had heard his brother's voice one last time, echoing in forgiveness. The same sighing voice sounded again. "You couldn't have known…" The knot relinquished it's hold even more, grief over-taking him again. He let the tears course down his face, lamenting the loss of a brother…a friend…

_O.K. I know the ending was a bit rubbish but I was writing this really late at night and just wanted to get it finished and up on the forum so…yeah…review and let me know what you think. Thank-you ___


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